You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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