I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
