.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
