What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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