i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
