dude i'm inner monologue high
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
