so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
