He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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