Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
