I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She even gives head with a lisp.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
