It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
