I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
