I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't notice because vodka
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize