Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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