he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
