First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
