i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize