***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
