Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you didnt know i had herpes?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
