Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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