I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
