I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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