And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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