READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
