dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
