Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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