No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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