Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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