If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
