yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
