I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
