So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
