ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
