i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
