I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
