I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
