Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
