So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
