I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
