Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
