somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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