Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
