her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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