My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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