I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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