You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
