I got chris browned last night
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
