Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
