Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
MIDGETS
????
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
