The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Damn victory sex feels great
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
