I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
