Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
