You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
