I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize