Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i drank out of a bidet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
