im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
