I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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