she woke up with a sticky ear
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
