dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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