so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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