I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
