Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
