I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
