As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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