that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
