she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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