So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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