Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
