just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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