Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
