I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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